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September 23, 2009
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mother concept sketch by raybender mother concept sketch by raybender
High Quality Prints of my work FOR SALE here: [link]



People of DA ! please tell me your opinion about this rough concept sketch! ideas how to improve it (compositionally) are very welcome!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsesakath:
This is all-too beautiful and eye-catching! I love how the machine looks.

To help you improve, I got some tips:
Smoothen out the light reflections on the cylinder shapes of the machine. It will make the texture much more smoother and metallic.

The men that are doming down from the machine needs more detail and the light source needs to be smoothened out on them too. The closest man to be darkened up too, because there is too much light on him. The lighting is like he's near the light, but far away from it. Think, for example, of how the moon shadows the sun during the eclipse. If the moon is further away, the light won't affect it that much. If the moon is nearer, more light will envelope it.

Hopes this will help you out! I did try my best to help. :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
27 out of 30 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconfrecklesmile:
frecklesmile Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I like how you said this is a sketch but in reality it's really a MASTERPIECE!
Reply
:iconnortenyo:
Nortenyo Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010
The composition is actually very good.The only thing I will say is the floating dude is on the same level as the green core light thingy...it would have been better to offset that up or down from that position. It would have created more dynamic tension that way. But the overall lighting is incredible. Probably make the guyhigher that would keep the eye moving around the painting.
Reply
:iconbhookabhediya:
BhookaBhediya Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2010
nice bro
Reply
:iconpyrah:
Pyrah Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2009
To be completely honest, I didn't even see the guy closest to the fourth wall as an actual person until he was pointed out in the critique. Otherwise this is an amazing piece.
Reply
:iconnucleard00d:
NuclearD00d Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2009
This reminds me of the game, Prototype.

Fancy. As my artistic sense is worse than that of a brick wall.. I've got nothing to add.
Well done though.
Reply
:iconlordofthebling-xxl:
LordoftheBling-XXL Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009
this is great. only thing i could think of to improve it would be to add a lil bit of wires on the bottom right and maybe the left coming from the extreme foreground and leading into the mid background to add more depth and to give the light a substance to bounce off of.
Reply
:iconnr-krusi:
NR-Krusi Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2009
Awesome job! I'd make the character on the left closer to the viewer (bigger with more contrast) because it might add more story to the image.
Reply
:iconales-kotnik:
ales-kotnik Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2009  Student Digital Artist
everything looks goot to me except i would do something with those 2 mans - don't know what (experiment)
Reply
:iconalexmartinez:
alexmartinez Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2009
very cool concepts, Alex!^^
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:iconantaria-nova:
Antaria-Nova Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2009
Yes, great work. :)

Humm, I agree with AndreeWallin, and would in addition to that say that you could maybe add some visible consoles around the room under the screens, and maybe some ppl working on them, aswell as some extra machinery or stuff/cables/misc under the core.

Other than that I have no advice.

Are you going to refine this picture? Maybe even expand it?
Reply
:iconraybender:
raybender Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2009
i think after all the positive feedback i will detail it for sure as soon as i find time..
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:iconantaria-nova:
Antaria-Nova Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2009
Yess! :boing:
thanks for that. :) :hug:
Reply
:icondarthronius:
DarthRonius Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
THIS is a rough concept sketch?!?!? It's freaking amazing!

But you might want to check the perspective of your ellipses especially with the tubes on the ceiling.
Reply
:iconstreakspsyche:
StreaksPsyche Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
First off, what is it about?

What's the story behind it?

What's the title got to do with the pic?
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:iconraybender:
raybender Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
i prefer not to explain images... especially not sketches.. just because there is no story behind it, no sense in the title.. it´s free to your and my imagination :)
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:iconstreakspsyche:
StreaksPsyche Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2009
Ah! :D Ok.

K, then uh...what to improve....

The first I looked at the pic, it was thumbnailed...I saw immediately the central green power core and the guy to the right dangling/rappeling from the ceiling.

As thumbnail, my first impression was, "A mech indoors...a mech with a central core on top...with a guy at the right coming down from the ceiling with a rappel rope."

Upon closer inspection, lo and behold I see another guy in the foreground coming down with a rappel rope from the ceiling. So now I kinda start thinking, "A pair of Special Ops infiltrating some sort of facility most likely involved in some sort of power generation, and it is NOT a mech, its a reactor of something."

The foremost Special Op guy, I couldn't see him unless I really really look at him. I think he is in an awkward place in the pic, considering that he is drowned down by the green glowing light of the reactor core.

There is also a module right below the core itself...I think it can be put in a better angle.

And the ceiling panels inbetween the white borders on the ceiling seems a bit off.

Honestly, if I can come up with pics like this today I'd be so happy! :D
Reply
:iconwolfinthehead:
wolfinthehead Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
This is brilliant.

Only thing I could say that you might want to fix if you felt like redoing it is to make the central machine more prominent - the green part bigger, make it more of a central piece. It's a bit squished upward at the moment, and with the men hanging down up there, that makes it pretty busy at the top and lonesome at the bottom.

Which is actually pretty cool.
But the green part could be a bit bigger, if you know what I mean.
Reply
:iconroyalmorrow:
RoyalMorrow Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
I think the left figure should be already on the ground, as if he's just landed. Possibly have him looking back over his shoulder. I think that would balance the composition and make a triangle of interest between the two figures and the glowing core.
I admire your work and this looks like another great piece.
Reply
:iconraybender:
raybender Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
hey ! thanks or the time taken for the overpaint ! :)
Reply
:iconroyalmorrow:
RoyalMorrow Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2009
Your welcome. It was fun! :D
Reply
:iconkillerangel47:
KillerAngel47 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
This is totally amazing!
Reply
:iconkhakihat:
KhakiHat Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
My gripe would be that I can barely make out the man in the foreground. I got his body confused with the rest of the structure.
Reply
:iconjadewraith:
jadewraith Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
have that brilliant green energy continue through the centre of its body in a concentrated lazer beam where it hits the floor and flows into a circuitry pattern that covers the entire floor, the glowing circuitry fades to nothing just before it touches the surrounding walls.....

This might indicate that mother is supplying her life force. or that mother is alot bigger and that she is made up of more than one part.


Nice concept and rendering :)
Reply
:iconaracos:
Aracos Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
Zu allererst sehr cooler sketch! Die Belichtung und die Atmosphäre sagen mir sehr zu!

...aber ;)

*)- auf den ersten Blick erscheint der linke Character größer als er eigentlich sein sollte

*)- mein Blick wird extrem auf den Reaktorkern gezogen, was erstmal von der Richtung her nicht schlecht ist, jedoch ist es momentan ganz schwer auf etwas anderes zu achten. (um genau zu sein auf die Eindringlinge)... hier könnte man den Charakteren selbst ein paar Highlights verpassen.

*)- eine wilde völlig unbegründete Idee:
man könnte den Blickwinkel ein wenig steiler und etwas schräger ansetzen um dem Bild mehr Dynamik zu geben und dem Betrachter das Gefühl zu geben selber einer der Eindringlinge zu sein.


----
Trotzdem... sehr geiles concept ;)
Reply
:iconissacblast:
IssacBlast Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Unless you make the left figure more defined due to the back light, the piece would look better with out. If you do remove him, then maybe place a person down below at the controls.

Other than that, wonderful job! This will look great when you finish no matter what.
Reply
:iconcpt-crandall:
Cpt-Crandall Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Bring the front leg of the tower toward the viewer a little more. Just to make it a little more dynamic...something I struggle with a lot
Reply
:iconandreewallin:
AndreeWallin Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
I'd say remove the left character, other than that the composition is spot on and the lightning wonderful!
Reply
:iconraybender:
raybender Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
hey buddy :) that´s it!.. i think thats what was disturbing me !
Reply
:icontrub:
trub Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
details, you are using rather larghe brushes now. always work with the double size of the final product.
Reply
:iconexphrasis:
Exphrasis Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
add computers around the machine , careful about the 'arms ' around it and the perspective ,and also try moving the 2 characters. They make the compo harder to read in my opinion.
Really great sketch !! :)
Reply
:iconsupermariofan2:
supermariofan2 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
mother brain?
Reply
:iconthechevver:
TheChevver Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009   Photographer
i agree with most people that the guy on the left is not amazingly obvious, i'm sure that once you have rendered him he will stand out much more but to be safe you could try bringing him closer to the viewer and so enlarging him, or shifting him a bit to the left. Brilliant concept thus far.
Reply
:iconoh-mrs-o:
Oh-Mrs-O Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
I'd love to know about this! The name, "mother" intrigues me. Is the structure a container for some class of an alien queen bee? Has the man hanging from the rope just discovered it? Is he trying to research it or planning on destroying it? Is he perhaps even a part of this "hive", and is he trying to maintain it?
Reply
:iconsonofamortician:
sonofamortician Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
is this related at all to the game ';Portal' which it seriously reminded me of.
Reply
:iconcmptrwhz:
cmptrwhz Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
the guy on the left hanging confused me as I thought at first it was something part of the machine but I am certain once you get this fully finished he will not blend into the machine so much. I love the concept and the coloring thus far.
Reply
:iconsacking-jimmy:
sacking-jimmy Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
I'm digging it so far. The colours are great and the concept is cool. If I had to nit pick right now I would say that the guy hanging on the left isn't reading too clearly yet. At first glance I thought he was some kind of arm coming off of the centre piece. Looking forward to see you getting closer to finished with this one.
Reply
:iconashdavidwatson:
AshDavidWatson Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
i know it sounds juvenile. but what's actually happening here? why are they hanging from ropes/cables that dangle from the roof?
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:iconraybender:
raybender Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
i guess the will be some kind of intruders, with special nightsight equipment and stuff (playing Splinter cell at the moment :) )
Reply
:iconashdavidwatson:
AshDavidWatson Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
makes sense. just hard to tell i guess in the sketch. they should look like they dont belong where they are.

my idea would be i guess if they were composed of a colour that doesnt mesh well with the environment, they would look out of place to the viewer and more easily indentified as a foreign entity.

don't get me wrong i love the work and you have a real for light manipulation. just an idea.
Reply
:iconbluefuze:
bluefuze Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
I like this. I love the perspective angle, the lighting, and how it seems to follow the divine proportion in terms of composition. You'll wanna tighten a few things up no doubt... but for a rough/comp it does it's job well.
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:iconragaru:
Ragaru Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This looks amazing both in composition and perspective.

Only thing I think would improve it... might be an angled perspective to get more action and movement into it(if you get what i mean)... But since I don't know what's going on in this piece, I don't know if it would be suitable.

Anyway great work!
Reply
:iconandreasresch:
AndreasResch Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Professional Photographer
Erstmal - toller Sketch. Die Farben und das Licht sitzen. Ein paar Ideen zur Komposition.
*) Den linken Standfuß des Reaktors etwas steiler von links oben nach rechts unten arrangieren und mit ein wenig mehr Tiefe gestalten (etwas mehr wie der rechte Fuß;).
*) Den gesamten linken Bildrand leicht abdunkeln, damit das Auge im Bild bleibt.
*) Den linken, größeren Eindringling würde ich nicht entlang des Reaktorrandes platzieren sondern ungefähr in der Mitte des Reaktors und etwas darüber so dass er halb über der hellen Stelle und halb im dunklen Bereich ist.

Mehr fällt mir nicht ein ... ;)
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:iconraybender:
raybender Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
super anmerkungen !!!!! danke! werd ich probieren
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:iconblux-art:
bLux-ART Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
I really like it, but I think to help the composition, you should darken the figure that's closer to the camera. It took me a few seconds to realize it was a figure, because of the glow. Also, the tube that is to the left of the said figure, I feel that it should be moved over slightly away from the center, bright area.

Maybe a figure on the bottom left to show more scale, too? :)
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:icondanielhovdahl:
DanielHovdahl Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Student Digital Artist
You need some shilouettes of people in there to show some scale! Would make the contraptions size seem bigger if you made the people small enough. Just an idea.

Other than that it just needs some polishing and detail.
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:icondanielhovdahl:
DanielHovdahl Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Student Digital Artist
Oh I didn't notice the two guys hanging from the ceiling. Scratch that.
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:icontgw-raptor:
tgw-Raptor Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
find die Farbgebung sehr elegant gelösst. Durch den Grünstich kommt so eine klinische und trotzdem bedrohliche Atmo auf, die sehr passend ist.

Ein Charakter auf der rechten oder linken Seite, dem man über die Schulter schaut, wäre evtl passend.
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:iconeviolinist:
eviolinist Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
This is a sketch? lol
Sahweet.
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:iconmax-cccp:
Max-CCCP Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
Very cool
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:iconferii:
Ferii Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I like the composition and lightning in this one a lot. Have you considered painting a 3rd character to the front, standing in the ground watching at the 2 others, or something? Not sure if that'd be an improvement, just an idea :)
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